No Way To Prevent This




‘No Way To Prevent This,’ 

Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens





UVALDE, TX - In the hours following a violent rampage in Texas in which a lone attacker killed at least 21 individuals and injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Tuesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Idaho resident Kathy Miller, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this individual from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what they really wanted.” At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”


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Every Time There's A Mass Shooting, The Onion Writes The Same Story.


The Onion's editor-in-chief, Chad Nackers, explained why after the Uvalde shooting it reposted every variation of its story "'No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens."


It jokingly bills itself "America's finest news source," but for years now the Onion has done exceptional, biting coverage of a very American phenomenon.

Each time there is a high-profile mass shooting, the satirical website publishes a variation of the exact same story.


Starting with the 2014 attack in Isla Vista, California, that killed six people, the Onion published a piece titled "'No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens."


In the years since, it has published that same headline 20 more times.

"It's just incredibly draining and it's hard to actually find like new angles on it," Onion Editor-in-Chief Chad Nackers told BuzzFeed News in an interview on Wednesday. "And this kind of encompasses everything and it just works so well and it captures the helplessness of it."


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ISLA VISTA, CA - In the days following a violent rampage in southern California in which a lone attacker killed seven individuals, including himself, and seriously injured over a dozen others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Tuesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said North Carolina resident Samuel Wipper, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this guy from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what he really wanted.” At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past five years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”


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Methinks that's not exactly true, this is our letter to the newspaper:


Now that a few days have passed, the thoughts and prayers have been thought and prayed, the fist shaking, the desk thumping and the tear shedding have been duly exercised and the question, “When will this carnage end?” remains - who would have thought - unanswered. 

America is paralysed. 

But it need not be. 


Why is it that the ‘2nd amendment’ is not changed? (It’s an amendment, after all.) We know the reason of course, the Republicans won’t have a bar of it. Why? The reason is not so much ideological, but monetary: The gun lobby supports R members with astonishing generosity: Mitt Romney 13.6m?! No wonder gun control doesn’t fly in America.


 

But here’s the thing: Why is there no anti-gun lobby? There are so many philanthropists in the USA, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, George Soros, Michael Bloomberg … not to mention all the other hyper-billionaires, Musk, Bezos et al. Why can’t they be rallied to form a lobby to match, indeed to exceed the gun lobby? They could outperform them and outstrip their largesse. This, one would think, could well sway enough Republicans to cross the line.


























 

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